Lads

You see the thing is fellas... Yesterday i wrote a blog.. and well i had no clue on how to publish it. So i had to ask the help of a certain someone to help me with the publishing process.. Now it will seem as if i really dont have a life and im writing two blogs in one single day.. fair enough.. thats a fair assumption too may i add. Now as i was saying yesterday, if its over id be over. Ok now i lied. It is over, not by choice but it has been enforced onto me. Im not really sure what i did to be honest with you. Im dead sure im been as good as a lad as i can possibly be, but i guess sometimes people see things in you that you yourself never knew existed. Well i hope this is not going to be a case for the rest of my life, cus i sure as hell hope people would stand there and stick up for me. Not the case now, maybe never. But i aint gonna die telling myself that! So hows things craanking along? Im fine.. ok i lied again. Im not fine, yesterday i felt like cow dung, today.. well lets not even get me started there mate. So how do you walk away? Its one of those easier said then done things. People somehow can be stone hearted, but i find that basically impossible to do. I simply cannot do it. Ive been trying, dont doubt me on that, but pretty much with zero sucess. No issue, i shall keep trying, hold my head up high and keep the boat rolling cus M.Diddy still has to become a world champion remember! Now you ask in what sport would i achieve that success. Boxing. Thats it, Im going to be a Boxing World Champion, im not dislussioned either. We iz gonna achieve yo.. foe shizz

Plans for today.. basically to be a bum. Work a lil bit i guess. Keep my chin up for sure! I think im a great lad, and its just a pity that im willing to do a lot for everyone but not vice verse. Im such a whiny little mole arnt I. Well give me a few days.. maybe a couple of weeks and ill be as good as gold again. To be completely honest with you, i do not want to walk away. I really dont. This is one thing that i know i should never walk away from, i just know it. And im dead sure she knows it to! But agh! When the high heirachy get involved its either you stand up to them and be prepared or you simply let it go. Shes letting it go. I know i would have done otherwise, but you see thats me. Incredibally stupid. I really want to make this work. I really really really really really really do. But how? I wished she'd allow me to work this out. But the reason why ill just sit and watch everything just go by is that i dont want to see her cry anymore. Shes a flipping amazing lady, and i have no right to ever make her choose or make her shed one tear more then she already has. By me insisting, its only going to make her emotions raw, to make her feel, which i think is not on. I got no right to do that. I simply have to accept the decision made... it sucks though.. cus its not our decision. But i should just shut up now. You see my white hairs are already growing. Im a decent looking young lad. White hairs dont suit me. Ok ladies and gentlemen, i shall continue this a tad later. Im really upset. And now i have to pretend as if everythings fine. Maybe she can do it, but i cant. I cannot.

"its not easy... to be.... me...."- Superman